The Hardest Thing
by Priestess Minerva
Summary: Sometimes even love isn't enough.... - YAOI


The song is _The Hardest Thing_ by 98°   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
_~We both know that I shouldn't be here~   
~This is wrong~  
_   
He watched him sitting across the table, digging into a pile of food while Lina chatted on aimlessly between bits of her own dinner.   
I'm telling you, She continued, mouth half full, this time I have a great lead on the Claire Bible!   
  
_~And baby it's killing me, it's killing you~   
~Both of us tryin' to be strong~  
_   
That's what you said the last five times Miss. Lina, Amelia commented.   
Yeah..but this time I got a good feeling about it.   
Gourry wasn't paying a bit of attention to the conversation. He didn't care whether or not this time would be any different, he didn't really care about finding the Claire Bible in the first place. Rather, his mind was focused on the single blue eye visible under the unruly mass of lavender hair, just above the rim of Zelgadiss' coffee mug.   
  
_~I've got somewhere else to be~   
~Promises to keep~  
_   
He envied that mug, he really did. To be able to brush up against Zel's sweet lips...and in public no less. But, he knew that would never happen, no matter how much he wished it could. Even for just a moment....   
  
_~Someone else who loves me~   
~And trusts me fast asleep~  
_  
Gourry, are you listening?! Lina promptly whacked him hard in the back of the head, causing the dazed swordsmen to go face first into his mashed potatoes.   
Hmm? wha? Gourry picked himself up, all be it, with wisps of potato all over his face. What were we talking about again?   
Lina sighed. I said, we'll start out to find the book first thing in the morning, ok?   
Whatever you say Lina. He seemed more interested in trying to lick the potato off his nose at the moment.   
  
_~I've made up my mind~   
~There is no turning back~  
_   
Zelgadiss set down his mug abruptly. When then, if we have to get up early I'm going to bed now. And without another word, the Chimera made his way up the inn's staircase to his room.   
Gourry frowned, but quickly hid it before Amelia or Lina noticed. Me too. He yawned, standing up. I'm gonna hit the hay.   
Uh, Gourry? Ya gonna eat that? Lina pointed to what was left of his potatoes.   
Nah, you can have em. G'night.   
  
_~She's been good to me~   
~And she deserves better than that~  
_   
Lina quickly snatched up the food and gobbled it down. Causing Amelia to feel slightly nauseous.   
The princess turned her attention away and watched Gourry make his way up the stairs. Why did she suddenly feel the swordsman was keeping something from them?   
  
_~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do~   
~To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you~   
~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie~   
~To show no emotion when you starts to cry~  
_   
Gourry cautiously peered into the room he shared with the chimera, only to find him stretched out on the bed shirt less.   
He turned his head at the sound of his name. You still have potatoes on your face Gourry.   
Is that all you can say? The blond sighed, wiping his face with the back of his hand.   
What did you expect me to say?   
  
_~I can't let you see what you mean to me~  
~When my hands are tied~   
~And my heart's not free~   
~We're not meant to be~  
_   
I don't know! The swordsman threw up his arms in aggravation.   
Something...anything! Zel....   
Don't say it Gourry....   
We have to do something....   
I told you not to say that... Zelgadiss closed his eyes, trying to block it all out.   
Gourry took a seat on the edge of the bed next to him. But Zel, we can't go on like this...I mean....   
  
_~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do~   
~To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you~  
_   
Do you think this is easy for me either Gourry?! Zel suddenly sat up, looking his companion straight in the eyes.   
Gourry's lower lip was trembling a bit.   
Zelgadiss sighed. I didn't mean to yell Gourry...it's just...   
I know... The swordsmen turned away.   
Don't be like that. The chimera gently wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his nose in the soft blond masses of hair.   
Gourry relaxed at the touch. Gomen Zel-kun....   
  
_~I know that we'll meet again~   
~Fate has a place and time~  
_   
Morning came all to early. Gourry would have much rather spend the morning wrapped up in the sheets with Zel, and vice versa. But damned if Lina didn't get her way...   
Ok, if I'm reading this map right... Lina studied the old, crumbling piece of paper she was holding, The ruins that are suppose to contains a copy of the Claire Bible should be just a few miles from that mountain over there, or maybe it was that other mountain, or then again....   
Miss. Lina I'm really not sure if...   
Quiet Amelia, I'm trying to concentrate!   
Gourry just rolled his eyes. Another quest for that damn book and it was having a rotten start already. The only reason he came along anymore was for the tiny, minuet hope that they might actually find the stupid thing. Then Zel could become human again, then..maybe...   
He didn't care what Zel looked like really. But it certainly seemed to matter to the chimera. Could that be why he...   
  
_~So you can get on with your life~   
~I've got to be cruel to be kind~  
_   
Zelgadiss pounded a fist into the wall, producing a hole that would probably be going on their bill at the inn.   
Another day wasted looking for a cure. Another phony Claire Bible. He has spend the whole day looking, and for what? WHAT?!   
Zel...I'm sorry.... Gourry whispered softly as his companion pulled his hand for the hole he'd made.   
Another day of my miserable life wasted, He growled back.   
Uh..at least it was a nice day for a walk. His friend offered.   
Shut up Gourry, I don't need you to sugar coat this! Zel snapped.   
  
  
_~Like Dr. Zhivago~   
~All my love I'll be sending~  
_   
Gourry took a seat on the bed, looking much like a hurt child.   
Zelgadiss scowled to himself. He hated having to yell at Gourry like that but...but...sometimes he just had to get his frustrations out and the hapless blond was just in his path of rage. He deserved better than that...   
He began to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder but it was shrugged away.   
Don't say it Zel.... The swordsmen closes his eyes, laying back on the bed. Just don't....   
  
_~And you will never know~   
~'Cause there can be no happy ending~  
_   
The chimera pulled his hand back, guilt washing over him.   
He deserves better than this...   
  
_~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do~   
~To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you ~  
~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie~   
~To show no emotion when you starts to cry~  
_   
I'm leaving....   
Lina spit out her tea. What?! Not again Zel!   
Amelia looked like she was about to burst into tears. But...but Mister Zelgadiss...why?   
He sipped his coffee calmly. I need to find a cure and you people are just slowing me down.   
The dam that was holding back Amelia's tears obviously broke. You don't really mean that do you???   
Lina rubbed her temples. Just let him go Amelia. If he wants to leave that's his problem.   
  
_~I can't let you see what you mean to me~   
~When my hands are tied~   
~And my heart's not free~   
~We're not meant to be~  
_   
Gourry just sat there. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Zel was leaving them...no...he was leaving HIM. This couldn't be happening.   
I've made up my mind. Zelgadiss sighed, the guilt almost too much for him.   
Excuse me... Gourry stood up from the table, making his way quickly back to his room.   
What's wrong with him? Lina wondered out loud. But there was no one to answer her. Amelia was still sobbing and Zel...seemed to have disappeared.   
  
_~Maybe another time, another day~   
~As much as I want to, I can't stay~  
_   
Zel peered into the room to find the swordsmen sitting cross-legged on the bed, his face covered by his hands.   
Go away! was the reply his received.   
Zel closed the door, making his way over to the bed. Listen Gourry....   
The blond looked up at him, his face stained with tears. How could you?!   
I don't want to leave, it's just....   
What?! What could be more important than me?   
My cure damnit! Zel growled. Gourry, I'm a freak....   
Not to me you're not, Gourry whispered.   
  
_~I've made up my mind~  
~There is no turning back~  
_   
Zel bite his lip. I'm sorry Gourry...   
If you were you wouldn't leave!   
The chimera couldn't think of anything to say. Gourry was right...but he had to leave...didn't he?   
  
_~She's been good to me~   
~And she deserves better than that~  
_  
Zelgadiss watched the swordsmen cry himself to sleep. It was like his heart was being ripped out. Gourry deserved so much better this this.   
So much more....than Zelgadiss could give him....   
  
_~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do~   
~To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you~   
~It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie~   
~To show no emotion when you starts to cry~  
_   
He's gone isn't he? Those were the first words out of Gourry's mouth the next morning.   
Lina replied solemnly.   
Amelia was trying to control her sniffles.   
Gourry sat down. He's not going to be back this time.   
Both girls looked at him. How do you know that?   
I...I just do.   
Lina blinked. Gourry...he...he left a note for you. She extended her hand to him, in it was a small folded piece of paper.   
Gourry swallowed hard. Slowly he took the note from her, unfolding it carefully.   
The paper was stained with tears, Zel's tears, making the ink run a bit. But the singular sentence written there was still all to easy to understand....   
  
_~I can't let you see what you mean to me~   
~When my hands are tied~   
~And my heart's not free~   
~We're not meant to be~  
_   
You deserve better them me'   



End file.
